Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
