im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
