i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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