My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Are we still banned from the library?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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