I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
