I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
