He disabled his match.com account in front of me
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
