tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
