In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
