I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
