there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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