this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
