My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
