I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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