I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
