My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
