the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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