i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
