she looked like the before picture.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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