I think my fart just growled at me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
