By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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