i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Be still, my beating vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
