i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
