so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like a drive thru vagina
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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