went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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