So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
