pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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