i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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