The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pooping to opera.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
