Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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