im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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