cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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