Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
