thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
this boner is exhausting
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
