You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
