If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
