I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
