dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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