i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
