im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
