OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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