there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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