Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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