dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
