I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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