'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
