Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
