wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
