I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
