He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
